I am so clumsy. One of my coworkers teases me about being lucky to make it through the day without seriously injuring myself. For example, when I packed my lunch on Wednesday morning I realized I’d be finishing off a bag of pita chips. So instead of using a zip lock bag (go green!) I just put the whole chip bag into my lunch box. At lunch I rolled the top of the bag down to be able to reach the chip crumbs. When they were gone I tried to straighten out the bag so I could fold it up and throw it away. The remaining crumbs came shooting out of the bag – landing in my hair and on the floor across the room. Everyone in the lunch room, including me, got a good laugh out of this. Seconds later, I managed to step on the only wet surface in the entire room and nearly fell. Yesterday I ran into the refrigerator. I’m not sure how this happened – I’ve walked past that same refrigerator every day for the last 4.5 years. Nothing to report yet today, but give it time…
Unfortunately my clumsy spells aren’t limited to issues with personal space. I am so clumsy with words. It’s ironic because a lot of what I’m paid to do at work has to do with communication: drafting articles, facilitating training, editing. In the corporate world every key message undergoes multiple levels of review and is reworked and reworded until it sounds just right. All of this refinement takes a lot of time and a lot of work. In normal, real life no one provides me with an edited draft of my thoughts. It’s just up to me. I have to choose the words, ensure they’re arranged logically and then say them at the right speed, in the right tone, with the right facial expressions.
There are a couple of horrible moments that stand out in my mind. The “threat level red” situations that I’m embarrassed about, no matter how much time has passed. Like junior year of high school in AP History. When I meant to express that my friend, whose family is from India, has a broader world view than me. Instead it came out that she’s different from everyone else in the class. Like last year at a family lunch, when I meant to say I’m jealous for your attention. Instead it came out like I don’t trust your judgment.
The Bible is crystal clear on this topic. I particularly like these “common sense” passages in the old testament:
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Psalm 34:13
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
Proverbs 21:23
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Psalm 141:3
Feeling inspired by Wednesday’s lesson, I have ramped up my prayer life in the last few days. I feel so clumsy. Words don’t seem big enough to cover how thankful I am or how much forgiveness I need. This morning, I came to the happy conclusion that for once, it doesn’t matter if I’m clumsy. I can stumble along, choosing the wrong words and forgetting to say the key points. Unlike anyone else, God knows the heart. He knows my intentions, desires, weaknesses and fears.
Why don’t we turn to God more? Why don’t we turn to Him first? Too many of us, including me, want to solve things on our own. I can’t solve my word problem on my own – I’ve tried. Maybe what I need is more practice with prayer. Practice speaking to God like He would have me speak. Practice using words to build up, not to destroy. Practice recognizing that I’m clumsy, and it is only with His help that I’ll say what I mean.
